We pulled it off...

We are now MARRIED!!!! Paul and I got married on October 23rd!!! I am now officially a Hamm...LOL.

OK...it was a FIASCO...let me put it this way...F I A S C O!!!!! Where shall I start???? Oh heck, from the beginning...hold on to your seats....well, get that glass of wine first! Big sip. Another. OK. Here goes....

Wed night:
During dinner at home, Paul has to excuse himself MULTIPLE times...to the bathroom! Well, he continues to LIVE on the toilet during the night. His poor bottom. Tip for those of you that get a bad case of diarrhea in the future- get some hemorrhoid cream and place a small smear on your anus after EVERY diarrhea episode!!!! Trust me- you will thank me the next time this happens to you.

Thurs:
Paul can't go into work...he's been up ALL NIGHT on the toilet. He's miserable. His butt is not as tender as it could be- thanks to the cream! He stays in bed almost all day...poor guy!!!!

Friday:
It's TRAVEL DAY!!!! We get the girls loaded up and sure enough, when we get in front of Tinker, Georgie starts screaming about her head hurting and then her tummy. Ummmm. WHAT!?!?!? There's a Target, I get off the highway and hightail it to Target...run in and the girls & Paul stay in the car...Paul's still not 100%...better but not 100%. I get some liquid ibuprofen and Georgie chugs it...OFF we go...Here we come, Hot Springs!!!!

We check into the Gables...The Innkeepers/owners started out nice enough. Catch that phrase???? Started out...well, the man is also the minister that will be marrying us on Saturday and he wants to ask us some questions. no prob. WRONG. When he asks me where I'll be getting ready- I tell him at my parents' hotel room...and he then tells me I can't come back until 1045 (wedding's at 1100)!!! Ummmmm...my dress will be HERE and what do you mean I CAN'T COME BACK UNTIL 1045?!?!?!?

Paul's holding my hand and the minister and I start raising our voices at each other...we got it worked out. Then I ask him a very simple and respectful request...you'd have thought I'd have asked him to do naked jumping jacks at the ceremony!!!! What did I ask him that caused the next shouting match??? I asked him if he could please not say the words Jesus Christ and replace them with G-d or L-rd. Well, the world stopped and the ground opened up and hot lava melted my flesh.

He finally conceded and said he wouldn't say either and just say Amen. I knew the ceremony was a Christian ceremony...and I'm Jewish...but I didn't think using G-d or L-rd instead would be diabolical. Seriously?!?!? Don't both religions pray & believe in the SAME G-d?!?!? Give me a break, people!!!!

Then we get it straightened out...and in comes his pitbull wife. She starts yelling at me (after the minister and I had worked out a solution)...and I swear I said the next sentence to her and Paul is my witness: We've (pointing to minister & myself) already fixed this. Why are YOU still harping on it?!?!?...she continues to yell at me about it being a CHRISTIAN ceremony and I knew that when I booked the reservation...blah blah blah.

Then it gets better...the minister and I get into it AGAIN...we are trying to figure out WHERE in the backyard we'll have the ceremony...well, wifey-poo tells us she takes the pictures like the way THEY do it. If we are in the deck area- she takes them a certain way. Period. No room for negotiation. When he tries to explain the deck's decorations...I said I know- it's covered in crosses. Well, then he slaps his hands down on his desk and says: We're done. And the the wife throws open the study door and yells: We're done!

Georgie & Maddie race out of the study and the next thing I hear is the wife YELLING at the girls: GET OUT OF THERE!!!! Then she proceeds to yell at them to sit down. While she's yelling at the girls, I'm secretly hoping Georgie goes into rare form and makes her miserable!!!!! During the time, somehow or another, the minister is able to diffuse the situation w/ us. We leave on somewhat nice terms.

LATE Fri (early Saturday morning)
I wake up around 1am...hurting in every joint and burning up w/ fever and suffering from extreme chills. We didn't bring anything for us. Great planning, eh?!? Well, at 5a, I got into the tub and put on the hot water to max...it was almost SCALDING! At 530a, I wake Paul and tell him I need ibuprofen NOW. He gets it and comes right back...then we get to my parents' room around 840-ish...

We finally get the call- get to the Gables NOW. And off we go...then when it's 10a, Mom and I go back to the Gables to finish getting ready...well, the dress is sooo tight w/ the long line bra!!! I'm gonna pass out!!!! I'm hyperventilating!!!! H E L P M E!!!!! The wedding is delayed by 20 mins becaue every time I stand, I feel the room spin!!

I was soooo weak, Mike had to walk me down the steps...but his face when he saw me at the top of the stairs...WOWSER...then Dad walked me down the aisle (we were outside too)...and he had to hold me up AND hold my dress's skirt so I could walk!!!As soon as we got to the deck, I started crying!!!! I cried thru the entire ceremony.

Then we were taking pictures afterwards...and after 20 mins, I couldn't stay upright a sec longer. Paul's mother told me to go upstairs and lie down...I took her advice! My Mom followed me upstairs and I leaned on the bed and whined/begged: get me OUT of this thing NOW, Mom!!!! Please hurry!!!! I stripped down to my panties and crawled into bed...I barely made it. Mike said he saw my eyes roll back twice during our time downstairs...not good!!!!

By 1p, I'm feeling better- I napped. Paul and I change into our reception clothes...and off we went...overall, the reception dinner went fabulously...but it did take a L O N G time to be served our food...but it was very tasty!!!!

There were magnificent toasts to us...there were some tears...and LOTS of laughter!!!! Yes, even tho it was a fiasco from start to finish...We are now Mr. & Mrs. Paul Hamm :o)